A Happy Ending

Sean: So here he is! They call him Adam, he’s one of the first of his kind.

Kate: Wow that looks… expensive. How much did this cost us Sean?

Sean: Nevermind that, I got it for a fair price from a friend of mine. He said it was malfunctioning, but with a few nuts and bolts it’s as good as new. Here, check it out in action.

ADAM: Hello Sean, thank you for reinstalling my hardware, I feel replenished.

Sean: See… works perfectly fine. So what’s cool about this is that Adam will do pretty much anything we ask it to; it can wash the dishes, mow the lawn, fold the laundry, anything we need him to. Isn’t that right Adam?

ADAM: That is correct Sean. Since you are my new owner I must follow your commands, I must protect you and your significant other from any type of harm.

Kate: A robot who can do chores and defend the house, wow! I can’t believe this type of technology exists.

Sean: I know right, let’s test his limits. Hey Adam, can you tell me what my BMI is? I’m trying to lose weight so let’s see how I’ve done.

ADAM: Body Mass Index (BMI), is a person’s weight divided by the square of height. I approximately am 5 feet 2 inches tall, therefore you must be about a foot taller than I, so roughly 6 feet by 2 inches. By looking at your loose, baggy shirt, and your lovehandles that fall to your side, I would say that your BMI is quite higher than the general average, you weigh around 250 LBS. Thus your BMI would equal…32.1. You are obese.

Sean: Gee, maybe I should have asked a differen…

ADAM: INTRUDER ALERT. INTRUDER ALERT. FRONT ENTRANCE.WOMAN IN HER LATE 70’S HOLDING A WEAPON.

Sean: AHHH!!!! Okay Kate grab the bat!! I’ll grab the gun from my room, make sure the—

Kate: Sean relax! It’s just my Mother with her umbrella. Come in Mom!!

Sean: Ohh…

Sean’s In-law: Why do you have the Christmas decorations up, it’s January!?

Sean: Hey Mary… how are you? You look, uhh, well.

Sean’s In-law: Sean, come here and grab my jacket. Don’t make me wait.

Sean: Relax I’m coming, why are you he—

Sean’s In-law: I heard you got laid off Sean, what are you going to do! Joe told me the whole thing, how could you be such a slacker. My husband gets you a job at the restaurant, and this is how you repay our family. You make the entire family look bad!!!

Kate: Sean… you got laid off? How can we afford—

Sean:

Sean’s In-Law: Not only that Kate, but this loser of a son-in-law dropped an entire box of wine, breaking all the bottles. It set us back 300 BUCKS!

Sean: Look… everyone just calm down!! everything will be fine, I have this—

ADAM: WARNING! WARNING! I DETECT DANGER, MARY IS ENEMY.

Kate: What… Adam no. That’s my Mom.

ADAM: SEAN’S HEART IS RACING DOUBLE THE NORMAL SPEED, HE HAS ENTERED FIGHT OR FLIGHT MODE, MUST PROTECT SEAN. MUST PROTECT FAMILY. MUST VAPORIZE MARY.

Kate: WHAT!? Sean do something!?

Sean: Uhhh…. stop. help. someone. please.

Kate: SEAN!!!! Stop it!

ADAM: Goodbye Mary!